


What the Heart Desires

by DarkAliceLilith



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:31:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6297220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAliceLilith/pseuds/DarkAliceLilith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Have you ever been terrified of your own heart, Lydia?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Heart Desires

Isabelle stared down at the glass in front of her, finger running slow circles around the rim, lost in her thoughts. She had been sitting at the bar in Pandemonium with Lydia after a particularly nasty hunt. The other woman had suggested that they go out and get drinks and Isabelle suggested the loudest place she could think of. 

She had hoped it would quiet her thoughts, but it seemed nothing could drag her from them. Isabelle looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Lydia was looking at her, concern in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

Isabelle shrugged. “Just thinking.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Isabelle was quiet for a moment before picking her drink up and taking a sip. “Have you ever been terrified of your own heart, Lydia?” She glanced at the other woman before continuing. “The constant hunger it has for whatever it wants.” She thought of her family, of craving acceptance from her mother, of her need to protect Alec. She looked up at Lydia again and the faces of those she desired so much in the past flashed through her mind, Meliorn, Simon. Those flames that had burned so brightly one day and the next thing she knew they were gone. “It can stop and start so easily and it terrifies me.” 

“I told myself a long time ago to stop listening to my heart,” Lydia said with a frown. “It only causes us heartache.”

“No wonder we clashed so bad in the beginning,” Isabelle commented, laughing softly. “I only wish I had the willpower to stop following whatever my heart desired like you do.”

“It’s a difficult thing. My heart still has its desires, I just choose to ignore them,” Lydia said, sighing softly and pushing her empty drink away. “I don’t let myself get close to anyone, not since-not since-“

“John?”

Lydia nodded and fell silent. After a moment, she looked back up at Isabelle. “After him, I swore off love and desire for nothing but being a shadowhunter. Sometimes, I wonder if I am wrong in doing so. If John were still here, I do not think he would love this me.”

“You’re the way you are because he’s not here,” Isabelle said. She downed the last of her drink and signaled for the bar tender. “Humor me, Lydia. If your heart still has desires, what does it desire at this very moment?”

“Love,” Lydia replied, so quietly that Isabelle almost missed it.

Isabelle reached out and placed her hand over Lydia’s, giving it a squeeze. “So does mine, and it terrifies me because I can fall in and out of love so easily.” She took a shaky breathe and intertwined her fingers with Lydia. “And this time, this time I don’t want to fall out of love.”


End file.
